Unfrying The Fish: The Story Of The Marlins’ Legendary Divisional Comeback
Written by Aaron Burr
The date is December 6th. It's a chilly night in Miami, only 67 degrees outside. In the deep of the night, the moon is large. Not full, but large in the sky. At Flamingo Park, we come into a game between the Montreal Expos and the Miami Marlins. Somehow they're tied for sole ownership of first place in the NL East. If you told anyone in Miami that they'd be in this position 3 months ago, they'd probably keel over with laughter, or call you an asshole.
At the end of session 5, the Marlins, who were initially favored to win the division must've felt like they were suffering divine punishment. They lost their first two games of the season in pretty standard fashion. However, games 3 and 4 were heartbreakers. A walk off double in session 3 brought the loss total to 3. In session 4 against Pittsburgh, after finally tying the game at 1 after 4 shutout innings, a run allowed in the bottom of the 5th cancelled their efforts. With that in mind, session 5 was utter humiliation. A 1 hit shutout at the hands of a division rival in the Braves all but deadened any semblance of spirit in these once spry young fish men. They were a punchline at this point. They were voted at #30 in the power rankings almost unanimously after that.
Everyone in Flamingo Park looks battered, like they've been here for a week. In reality, it's just the 7th inning. Lane Drew, the blood soaked general of the 6 game winning streak comeback leads off this extra inning with a runner on second. Demetrios Ooga, the brains of the operation, stares at his man from the dugout, arms crossed. Joey McCarty, the man on the mound and the man behind the team, feels the weight. The ball is a boulder in his hand, and the sweat on his palms feels like glue. He really doesn't want to throw, but he has to. The team he built is counting on him.
In session 6, the winless Marlins would be facing the division favorite in the Montreal Expos for the first time. Miami Legend Fish Fingers took the mound to start, and he went to work, as he always did. The game was a pitcher's dream. 6 straight scoreless innings from either side, and in the top of the 7th, the Fish gave Fish 3 runs to work with. In the bottom of the seventh, Fish Fingers finished finessing his first masterpiece of the season. A 7 inning, 1 hit shutout. As he walked off the mound and gave a chef's kiss to the crowd, the team awaiting him in the dugout finally had something to celebrate.
Stella Adams, the Montreal catcher, puts down the 1. Joey gives Lane the gas on the inside, hoping he'll try to pull it. Lane's been around the block before. The bat kicks up with his stride, lands back on the shoulder, and stays there. It hits the inside corner but Stella moves the glove too much. Adams is more of a "bat first" catcher, and it's showing. The ump doesn't pick up on it. Ball One.
In session 7, Artanis Jones rode Fingers' wave of momentum, and threw a shutout of his own against Colorado. That felt good for the Fish. Two in a row could be the start of something. After all, momentum is cumulative. On the other hand, these were still the 4th place Marlins, 3 games under .500, and the Atlanta Braves were on a 3-game winning streak. Thank God the Mets exist, otherwise this Miami team would have still been in last place.
Stella puts down the 2 and sets up on the outside corner. Joey goes into the stretch and hurls his slider. It lands in Adams' glove with a smack, and it's right on the black. The ump doesn't call it. 2-0. Lane steps out and licks his lips. He knows the next thing he sees is going to be a pitch to hit. He's just gotta guess the timing.
In session 8, unassuming rookie pitcher and brilliant linguist Rotticus Scott pitched a gem of his own. While it wasn't the perfectly cut diamond blinding in its sheen a la Fingers, it was still a pretty garnet, a single run allowed through six innings, and it got the job done, even if the game was already a blowout. The Braves winning streak snapped at 3 in this session. In session 9, Fish Fingers threw another good outing, a complete game in a 4-2 finish against the Braves, adding insult to injury. In an exhibition, Baltimore challenged Miami. Feeling fun, Ooga put in Lane Drew to pitch. They didn't win. They didn't need to; it was for fun. To his credit, Lane only gave up 3 runs in 4 innings, but the Marlins only scored 1 run in the entire game. At least the winning streak was still intact. In session 10, the Mets challenged the Marlins. This is the Mets we're talking about, so the Marlins prevailed, although to New York's credit, they came within 1 run. In session 11, the Phillies, a better team than the Mets, did worse than them, in a 7-3 pummeling.
Coming into session 12, the Marlins game was the news of the league. It would be a rematch of session 6, with Montreal thirsty for revenge. The difference this time was that the game had real stakes. The 6-5 Marlins would be playing the 6-5 Expos in a battle for the division lead. Bart Bottomtext would be pitching for Montreal, and Artanis Jones took the mound for the home team Marlins.
The game briefly remained scoreless until Bench Warmer drove Dirtbag Darrell in from second with two outs in the bottom of the 2nd inning. The Expos responded with a run of their own in the top of the third, courtesy of an RBI double by Bob Robb. Miami insisted on having a lead, and Dirtbag Darrell drove in a run in the bottom of the third, as opposed to scoring one. The score would remain 2-1 Miami until the top of the 5th, when a hanging heater from Jones landed in the upper deck, courtesy of Alaric Davis. Just like before, Miami took the lead back as quickly as Montreal tied it. Matt Conzo took Bart deep in the bottom of the 5th. Joey McCarty, who had been stoic all game, descended into the clubhouse early. It looked like he had all but given up on the game. Ooga picked up the phone and made a call. Fish Fingers stood up and started throwing warmups. Bottomtext got through the inning just fine but it didn't matter. Fish Fingers would be coming in, and he'd likely be unstoppable. All he had to do was record three outs.
Everything seemed fine as the top of the 6th began. Fish Fingers walked from the bullpen to the mound very slowly, all to the tune of "Oh, The Boss Is Coming," by the Arkells. He began to throw warmup pitches on the mound. Iris Solstice, the Montreal 2nd baseman, looked hopeless. Joey McCarty was still nowhere to be found. All of a sudden, as the line, "There's no room for error," echoed throughout the stadium, the camera cut back to Fingers, and a collective gasp washed over the crowd. Fingers was jumping up and down and shaking his hand. He was clearly in pain. The Miami trainer came to take a look at his star pitcher. He had a blister on his finger, and it had ruptured. Raw, exposed dermis was visible. It wasn't bad, but he certainly wouldn't be able to pitch. The trainer escorted Fingers to the dugout, to the tune of, "I'm punchin' out," tears streaming down the Marlins Ace's face. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if the Marlins came this far only to lose because of him.
Nonetheless, Rotticus Scott had to come in to pitch. Artanis Jones was officially out of the game already, and even if he wasn't, he was absolutely gassed, and would have come out anyway. Things immediately went wrong as Iris Solstice, confidence renewed, hit a tweener down the line for a triple. S-E-V-E Newman-Costanza promptly drove Iris in, and all of a sudden it was a brand new ball game. Fish Fingers, just like Joey McCarty, resigned to the clubhouse early. Just as Fingers walked down the steps, Joey entered the bullpen from the clubhouse side. He was warming up. He'd be coming into the game. Rotti got out of the inning without allowing any more runs, but the damage had been done. The only way the Fish were going to win it was with a walk off.
Joey McCarty got through his warmups cleanly, which was all of a sudden no longer an expectation, but a hope. However, Joey did not get through his first batter faced cleanly. A full count walk out Andrew Supernova on first as the winning run, with the red hot Bench Warmer coming up. Despite grooving one down the middle, and Warmer taking his "A" swing, Joey induced a pop-up. Against the catcher Javier Tootblan, Joey got ahead in the count and got exactly what he wanted: Tootblan slapped one to the shortstop Catfish O'Acid on a hop, and he flipped it to Iris standing on 2nd, who then fired a frozen rope to 1st to get Tootblan by two whole steps.
Going into extra innings, Shirley Sir took second as the runner granted during extra innings. Unfortunately, Shirley never made it a foot farther as Rotticus Scott pitched a 1-2-3 inning, surprisingly stress free. So as the Marlins trotted off the field, and as Joey McCarty trotted back on, two things were true: Lane Drew would be leading off with a runner in scoring position, and this would be the longest at-bat of Joey's life, no matter how many pitches were thrown.
2 pitches later, and Lane is licking his lips and looking Joey in the eye. Stella Adams remembers the runner on 2nd and changes the signs up. After spotting the sign for a fastball Joey shakes his head yes, before stepping off to check the runner. Tootblan is a catcher; he's not going anywhere. It's a ploy to stall for time. Adams puts down a sign for a changeup, and McCarty gets set. As he delivers, he goes into a slide step, even though Javier Tootblan has no intentions of running. Joey doesn't want to throw a strike here. Unfortunately for him and his team, he does. It's a great changeup that hits the outside corner again but Lane Drew connects with it and somehow pulls it. Shirley Sir didn't shift on Drew because of his reputation as a spray hitter, and it cost him big time, as he has to chase a ball headed for the corner of the grass near the wall and the foul line. He sells out at the last moment but can't get to it. Javier Tootblan scores easily and the Marlins swarm onto the field to celebrate Lane Drew's walk off RBI double. The crowd is going ballistic and fans start to populate the field. Joey McCarty and the rest of the Expos walk towards the visitor's dugout with disappointment on their faces. Lane Drew hugs one of the teenage boys storming the field before security gets to him and drags him away. Fish Fingers hugs Rotticus Scott, tears still in his eyes. It's a happy moment, one of triumph for this team that was the laughing stock of the league just a few short months ago.
At the end of session 5, the Marlins would have been happy with a single win to take home for the season. These new and improved Marlins have just taken the lead in the division for the first time, and look to make a real playoff run as intended, after defeating their divisional bogeyman twice. The winning streak is still active, and stands at 7 games. Before the season began, they were favored to win the paper cup. Now they're back on track to fulfill the prophecy.